So, this week’s topic changed at the last minute because I watched a video that blew me away and I knew right away I needed to share this information with all of you.  I think that everyone of us can relate.  For example, I’m sure you can think of a handful of things right now that make you feel vulnerable.  

The show was a talk by Dr. Brene Brown on TedTV titled “The Power of Vulnerability”.  In this 20 minute presentation, Ms. Brown basically struck one of the deepest chords in my soul, the ones, according to her research, I’ve been “numbing” for almost my entire life due to fear and shame.  Dr. Brown is a researcher in social work and spent 6+ years studying vulnerability, which began as a look into connection, which resulted in the revelation that disconnection comes from fear and shame because of not feeling worthy of love and connection.  She goes on to explain that as she began her research in connection many of the stories people told her resulted in themes around fear and shame.  These people felt they had to be someone who they thought they should be in order to belong.  They further believed that if they were themselves and NOT these people they thought they needed to be, they would not be accepted and loved.  Later in her research, she focussed on those people who DID feel worthy of love and belonging.  These people had several common characteristics which were:

• worthiness, they believe they are worthy of love and belonging
• courage, which originated from the word “cour” which means heart;  courage means to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart
• compassion, to be kind to themselves first then to others because you cannot treat others with compassion if you are not kind to yourself
• They ALL believed vulnerability is neither good nor bad but was necessary.

One problem Dr. Brown expands on is that “what makes us vulnerable also makes us beautiful”.  People who had the least sense of feeling love and belonging had difficulty being true to their authentic self and getting rid of the “I’m not enough ______” stories, which we tell ourselves.  (examples:  “I’m not thin enough”, “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m not funny enough”, “I’m not wealthy enough” etc.)  When we feel we are enough, we can use vulnerability to show people who we really are.

The reason so many of us avoid being vulnerable is that we are afraid for people to see who we really are in case they don’t like it.  The fear is that if they don’t like who we really are we will not be worthy of love and belonging so we spend our energy locking up our vulnerabilities deep inside and instead we act like someone that we believe people want us to be instead.

Dr. Brown also explains that many of us use blame as a “a way to discharge pain and discomfort”.  Essentially the more blame we engage in, the more pain we are hiding and this is in turn increasing our level of vulnerability.

The catch here, as Dr. Brown expands on in her video, is that in order keep our authentic selves hidden, we have to essentially NUMB feelings of vulnerability.  She explains that the reason we as a culture are: 

• in debt
• obese
• addicted
• medicated

...is that all of these vices serve to hide our true feelings and authentic selves, to “numb” who we really are.  The BIG......HUGE....ENORMOUS “Ah-ha” here is that guess what?  WE CANNOT SELECTIVELY NUMB SOME FEELINGS AND NOT OTHERS!  When we numb those feelings that define our true selves with food, shopping, alcohol, drugs etc., we also numb our ability to feel love, joy, creativity, gratitude etc.  

So what does it mean to be vulnerable and why is it important?  Dr. Brown says that when we allow ourselves to take actions considered to make us vulnerable such as to:

• say I love you first
• invest in something without guarantees
• jump into a relationship without knowing if it may or may not work
• practicing gratitude and joy in the midst of the unknown

...we are able to experience feelings of worthiness.  And when we are able to see vulnerability and a feeling of worthiness for ourselves without having to rely on others to tell us if we are or are not worthy of love and belonging, we experience more true joy and love.  Vulnerability starts with being able to let people see who you are, telling them your stories, letting them see you at the core.  

In the words of Dr. Brown, “vulnerability means we are alive” and “when we are vulnerable, we are kinder and gentler to ourselves and to those around us”.

What is interesting about this research, is that by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we are able to find our true joy.  This gets to the heart of a holistic approach to weight loss and health.  By understanding what causes us to overeat, drink and participate in other “numbing” activities, AND finding ways to experience the freedom of being our true, authentic self, our bodies will naturally start to find it’s optimal health...

• We will fall into our natural weight without struggling with counting calories and deprivation
• We will have more energy and less cravings
• We will feel happier and have better moods
• We will reduce our stress significantly

I hope this information has opened up something inside of you to take a step - be it small or big, to believing that you are enough and that you are worthy of love and belonging.  I would LOVE your feedback on how this was helpful or how I can provide other topics that would be helpful to you.  Drop a comment below or send your thoughts to me!

If you would like to know more about a holistic approach to weight loss including understanding how primary foods and secondary foods have different effects on your health, enroll in my Veg Out 90-Day Intensive or schedule a Strategy Session with me and we will get clear on the best approach for your specific goals. 

Health and Harmony!